Sure we have plans for kids, somewhere down the line. But we knew as soon as we found a place, a puppy was a top priority. After finding out our condo’s dog weight limit, realizing our ideal dog (English bulldog) is basically a chronically ill creature that would never exist naturally–they can’t even conceive or give birth without human assistance. We did a bunch of those online dog matching surveys and came up with mostly things we didn’t think were cute, and a corgi, a dog neither of us really ever knew about. Turns out they are the most awesome dogs in the world, as evident by the internet’s recent obsession with them. So after much negotiation and heartache, we found a good breeder in the middle-of-nowhere, Indiana and anxiously awaited the day our dude was old enough to take home. Maybe I will gush more about this later, but the point of this post is how many people have made mention of how dogs are like practice babies. This is a very popular thing to tell newlyweds who have just acquired a puppy apparently. It is not the case, and I am here to lay out the similarities and differences between the two.
Things puppies and babies have in common:
*Lots of pee and poop. Lots.
*Demanding of your attention at all times.
*Is it hungry? Sleepy? Upset? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? THIS THING CAN’T TALK!
*You will lose a lot of sleep
Things puppies and babies do not have in common:
*Puppies enjoy being shaken up a little bit. On the other hand, Never. Shake. A. Baby!!!
*Baby food is free for the first several months.
*Babies have an attached receptacle to catch aforementioned pee and poop. Puppies don’t.
*When people stop on the street to admire or tickle your baby, you don’t have to worry about baby peeing on them or biting their gloves.
*Biting. As far as I am aware, babies aren’t born with a mouth full of tiny razorblades.
All told, yes, both are cute and cuddly, but I don’t consider our dog to be practice for a human freaking being that I am responsible for it’s entire life. You screw up with a puppy, maybe it turns out to be a growler. You screw up with a baby, maybe it ends up being the house slut on MTV’s Real World, or worse.